The first time I deployed to Iraq was in the spring of 2005. This was still during the height of the insurgency. I’m no John Rambo, not by any means. I know there were units that saw more action than us, but we saw our fair share. I’m not ashamed to say that after a few months of daily patrols, traffic check points, small arms engagements, sniper fire, mortar and rocket attacks and roadside bombs our nerves were a little raw. Some might say we were jumpy.
One particular day we had just come back into our tiny FOB (forward operating base) from a patrol. We returned to our shanty like living quarters, dropped our flak jackets, and passed out on our racks. We thought we had a full four hours until our next patrol. Luxury! Consciousness was slipping away from me when, BOOM!!! With no warning a large explosion shook our FOB. We were under attack and, Marines being Marines, training and experience took over and we leaped into action. We didn’t have a lot of time. So we grabbed our rifles and Kevlars, a few put on boots, and we rushed out of our shack to engage the enemy…in our underwear. Yep. In our boxers and skivvies. Now there’s an image that strikes fear in the hearts of America’s enemies. 24 sleep deprived Marines rushing a dirt berm in helmets and boxers. When we got outside we were shocked to find no enemy attacking the FOB. And even more shocked to realize nobody else seemed to be reacting.
Apparently, nobody told us there was to be a controlled blast just outside the base perimeter to destroy explosives, old mortars and other potential bombs collected in recent patrols. Man did we look awesome. A platoon of Marines bum-rushing the berm in our skivvies while everyone else went about their day.
We naturally assume all explosions are bad, intended to take life and do harm. Yet this one was the exact opposite. This explosion was detonated specifically to prevent the taking of life. Its purpose was to eliminate the very things that cause death. But nobody told us that. Its very hard to tell the difference between a good explosion and a bad explosion when you are expecting no explosion at all.
One of the most quoted scriptures in Christendom is Romans 8:28, “We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God…” What exactly this means I do not know. I wish I did. I can tell you that for many it means God causes all things to happen because there is some good, known or unknown to us, which he wants to bring about. This seems appealing on the surface. There is some weird sense of comfort when you can say “But there is purpose in my suffering. God HAD to do this for some greater good.” But I have some problems with this.
First of all the most literal translation doesn’t say “God causes all things to work…”, but “…all is working together into good…” Secondly, it doesn’t say anything about a “greater” good. How could any good that comes from a community leveling tornado be seen as great enough to justify causing that much pain and suffering? And lastly, I simply can’t get my head around God operating this way – causing pain and death around the globe every day for seemingly tiny and mysterious “good” reasons that we are to accept as greater than the lives ruined to accomplish them. Now, I know his thoughts are higher than my thoughts and I honestly don’t want to be able to understand everything he does. Any God whom can be fully grasped by my feeble mind must be a “puny God” (said in my best Hulk voice). But this is beyond mysterious. For me it contradicts what I see in Jesus, who is the fullest expression of God. Jesus was around a crap ton (trademark pending) of suffering. Many times he alleviated it. Sometimes he didn’t. At the pool of Bethesda in John 5 there were many sick people, yet he only healed one. What I’ve never read about, though, is Jesus causing the suffering he was around for the sake of some other good somewhere else. And only once did Jesus indicate that God even allowed suffering for a specific purpose (John 9).
I do in fact think there are times when God is at work in some horrible situation, perhaps even allowing things to unfold how they do for a particular reason. There are times when a horrible situation ends up being beneficial, when God really is behind the scenes working out something good. But not always. I think when it comes to our suffering more often than not God is brokenhearted along side of us. I think because of sin this world doesn’t work the way he made it to work and that results in a lot of heartache. I think the vast majority of the time suffering happens simply because we live in a broken system, not because God handcrafted it for us. And even though he is able to miraculously intervene in any situation, he often choses not to. I don’t get that and it often seems unfair (theology is tricky). Maybe Romans 8 isn’t saying God causes all things for the sake of some other good, but that he’s awesome enough to know how to make s’mores in the fire that seems to be burning down my life.
We all face trials. We all have bombs dropped on us. A phone call about a sick parent. A horrible diagnosis for your 6 year old. The discovery of a cheating spouse. A letter from the collection agency. Realizing in your junior year that you hate your major. Just like real bombs they catch us off guard and when they do there’s no way to tell immediately if this is a good thing or a bad thing. In that moment they all seem bad and we react accordingly.
I’d like to say that since I’m a pastor I’ve figured all this out and feel confident that everything I face will result in some greater awesomeness. In reality, when a bomb goes off in my life (literal or figurative) you can find me running towards the berm in my underwear, not sure what exactly is happening and praying, “God, please let this turn out to be a good one, and if not please let me see some purpose in it, and if not please help me trust your goodness.”